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B&D Explained

Variety is the spice of life, and that is especially true when it comes to your sex life.Many people are curious about bondage and discipline, and want to try it out for themselves.


What is B&D?

B&D, or SM, as some people choose to call it, revolves around taking on roles of domination or submission as a form of consensual sex play. The erotic thrill lies in the notion of power and control these roles engender. What each individual does after assuming these roles is really a matter of personal taste. Some people enjoy the sensation of pain when taking on a submissive role, others get excited by physically restraining their partner, while some may simply enjoy being ordered around.

Am I a pervert if I suddenly have an urge for a good spanking?

Actually, about 33% of sexually active adults have experimented with B&D. About 10% regularly incorporate it into their sex lives. The important thing here is that both partners should fully consent to engaging in SM play, and be responsible enough to do it safely.

How do I engage in B&D without hurting someone or getting hurt unintentionally?

The most important issue here is openness and trust - never ever engage in B&D play with a stranger or someone you don't completely trust. Communicate with each other about your limits, and establish a "safe" signal with your partner - it could be a secret word (e.g. "mercy!") or hand signal. In this way your partner can indicate their discomfort or pain to you, or vice versa. Also, the "safe" signal allows both of you to continue play without interrupting the fantasy. Indeed, there is no greater turn-off than a submissive yelling "Don't hit my legs! I want to wear a mini-skirt tomorrow!" If you are playing the dominant role, make sure you constantly observe the body language of your partner, and check in with him/her to ensure that he/she is doing OK.

How do I get started?

If you and your partner decide to mutually give B&D a shot, there are many things you can try. Whips, clamps and restraints to fit whatever style of adventure you decide to embark on.

Tips for Whips

Contrary to popular belief, erotic whipping is actually an art. You cannot just randomly whack a whip across your partner's butt and expect him or her to get turned on! The concept behind whipping is to slowly build up the sensation of pain, because sharp and sudden pain has a tendency to disrupt the flow of fantasy. You should always start gently, and build up intensity, according to taste.

Tips for Nipple Clamps

Clamps can be applied to many parts of the body to provide a steady and precisely regulated amount of pain and pressure. Also, unlike whips, they get the job done without waking the neighbors. Clips and clamps can fit a variety of nipples, male and female, and can be adjusted to produce various degrees of pressure.

To apply nipple clips/clamps, lightly pinch the tip of the nipple and raise it up, before sliding in the clamp under your fingertips. Before applying clamps to your partner, you can gauge the degree of pressure they find erotic by first pinching their nipples to see how they react. You can then adjust the clamps accordingly, so they won't hurt your partner in an un-erotic way.

One last thing: Do not leave those clamps on for too long (20 minutes max.) First, they might start to hurt in an unsexy way that would turn off your partner. More importantly, you do not want to cut off circulation to sensitive regions. You only get two nipples in your lifetime. Be nice to them, because there is no way you can order a new set!

Tips for Restraints

Restraints are a way of giving erotic control to your partner. Some men and women are unwilling to be tied up, because of the loss of power. However, many people who enjoy being tied up actually hold positions of influence in their daily lives, and enjoy giving up control when it comes to sex. There are various types of cuffs and tethers for those who want to experiment with this form of play.

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