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So what's the deal with anal sex? Mention these two words and you get strong reactions. Some people love it and are very vocal about it, some prefer to keep this side of their sexuality under wraps. There are also individuals who are horrified at the very thought of anyone, even themselves, touching their anus in an erotic way.

All of these reactions are normal. We hope this guide will be useful. It's a taboo subject, but that's also part of the appeal. Regardless of how you feel about it, it's a fact that everyone's anus is rich in nerve endings. It's a sensitive, erogenous zone of the human body -- one that can bring amazing pleasure once it's awakened. Most people's main concern is pain. But the truth is, anal sex performed the correct way is pleasurable, not painful.

Toys for Anal Play

Always use a toy with a flared base for anal play. Why? Because when the internal sphincter loosens up, there's nothing to stop whatever object you've got in there from slipping far into the rectum. A flared base, or a ring you can grasp on to, keeps that from happening.

Butt Beads

Butt beads are actually some of the oldest anal sex toys around, having first been used in Asia thousands of years ago. They are also known as love beads, anal beads or string of pearls. They are not the same thing as orgasm balls, which are larger in size and are inserted into the vagina. Butt beads are a great way to start exploring anal play, on your own or with a partner. Beads are more elegant than butt plugs, and the sensation is quite different. We like the jelly beads without string, because they're easier to clean. However, the classic beads are also fun. Just remember if your beads are hard plastic, use a nail file to remove any seams before first use.

Butt Plugs

Many people enjoy the sensation of fullness that a butt plug provides. You can use a butt plug by itself, during oral sex, during vaginal intercourse, whenever. There are many sizes available, so you can start small and decide what's best for you. Vibrating butt plugs are great for beginners to anal play. The vibrations loosen up and relax the anus, and even the experienced report that they love the extra thrill.


With all anal play, lube is essential. The anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina. We don't encourage using anal lubes with numbing agents in them, because most health professionals and sexperts agree: numbing the anus before penetration causes you to lose sensation of pain, which can be a very good indication of whether or not you are actually ready to be anally penetrated.

The Sphincters

Your ass may seem to have a mind of its own. That's because the sphincters are a complicated set of muscles that loosen in stages. The external sphincter is regulated by the central nervous system, meaning you can flex it easily. The internal sphincter operates as a reflex - it tells your brain that your bowels are full and you better get to the bathroom soon! Not many people can control their internal sphincter without some practice, so don't worry if you can't. The internal sphincter will only loosen if you're really relaxed, and into it. The entry, through the external sphincter, is usually a little painful. If it hurts when you go deeper, through the internal sphincter, you are probably not relaxed enough. Slow down, relax, breathe deeply. If that doesn't work, switch for a while to another sexual activity that doesn't involve anal stimulation.


Bathing the area before you begin is always a good idea. Also, never use toys in the vagina that have been used in the anus, because bacteria can be transferred and cause infection. In fact, we recommend using condoms over your butt toys, or better yet, reserving certain toys just for anal use.


It's important to pay attention to your body's signs in order to play anally the safe way. If you are with a partner, communicate and get feedback from them on how it feels. Don't do anything you don't feel like doing, and don't accept pressure from your partner if you're not ready.

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